YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I looked at my own cervix.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my liver is dry heaving
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize