508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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