she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
