You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
