The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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