you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
