so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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