Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
