I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
