two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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