this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
