rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
