i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
