see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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