forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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