im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
