he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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