I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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