I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
