He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
