The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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