SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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