I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
