Ambien. No doubt about it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
