i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize