I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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