they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
