just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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