It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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