I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
