jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
