i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
