I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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