You're so nebulous sometimes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
