Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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