the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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