; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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