All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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