why didn't you poke me back
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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