wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize