so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
