Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
