I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
