Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you had me at cake vodka
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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