If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
