Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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