Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize