I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
