He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
