The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize