Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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