she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
