so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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