the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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