I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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