TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
