i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
