You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You ruined the universe
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
