Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
