I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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