It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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