I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
