wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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