margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
