everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize