dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
