Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
