I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All the doctor said was why
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
