hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
