break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize