if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everyone says I win the strip club
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
