Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
