before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
