I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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