Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
