I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
