Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
and you fell through a lawn chair
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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