Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
