God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're too hungover to prance.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
