Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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