I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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