I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
