This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
