She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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