i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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