census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
