dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
