giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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